Over the past two decades, the role of fathers has evolved significantly—whether due to changes in men themselves or a broader shift in how society values a father's presence in a child's life. Today, most fathers want to be an active part of their children's upbringing. Some embrace this role instinctively, others ease into it over time, and many benefit from guidance as they build confidence and develop parenting skills.
Here are some ideas for how to get involved in your baby’s life, care for them, play together, and in doing so, build a strong bond.
How to nurture engrossment and bonding with your baby (0–12 months)
In recent years, fathers have also become the subject of bonding research, and a new term has even been introduced to describe the connection between a father and a newborn after birth – engrossment. It is no longer just about a father’s participation, but about a higher level of involvement, emotional investment.
Engrossment is not only what the father does for the baby – holding and soothing – but also what the baby does for the father.
Everything is new to babies.
They are just beginning to explore their environment and the people around them. They establish communication and receive attention from adults through smiles, cooing, babbling, and crying. Babies are very curious and love to explore. This is reflected in their body movements, reaching out with their arms, and trying to grab objects. Even though babies are fascinated by the world around them, they also need a sense of safety and predictability to learn that the world is a safe place. As babies get to know their mom and dad, they begin to prefer them over other adults and seek them out for comfort. This sense of security helps them feel safe in the world and develop relationships with others. It is important for fathers to communicate with their babies. The way a father communicates with a baby positively influences the development of speech and future literacy skills.
Here are some suggestions for fathers to help build a sense of security through interaction:
- Talk to your baby or use gestures and describe what you are doing. Babies love to hear familiar voices, even if they don’t understand the words. People don’t need to understand words to benefit from the sound of a human voice. Listening to voices helps babies develop language and communication skills from an early age. For example, you can tell a story. By changing your voice, you can make the story more engaging and encourage your baby to stay focused on it longer.
- Take part in caring for your baby – change their diaper, hold them, play, bathe them, or bathe with them. This will help strengthen the bond between you and your child.
- Let your baby touch and explore your face. This helps them get to know you and understand that you’re different from mom and other adults.
Imitate your baby’s voice, sounds, and facial expressions, such as frowning, sticking out your tongue, and smiling. This is the beginning of communication between father and child.
- Play peek-a-boo. This develops your baby’s communication and emotional skills.
- During playtime, place your baby on their tummy from time to time (while they are not yet walking), as this position helps with muscle and brain development.
- Look at colourful and fun objects (even everyday items like clothespins are interesting to babies). This will aid your baby’s brain development and increase curiosity. Describe objects and let your baby touch items with different textures. Point to things in the environment or in a book you’re reading and describe them. This will help your baby understand better and develop motor skills such as hand-eye coordination.
- Accept that your baby will cry for many reasons – because they are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. If you hold your baby while they are crying, they will feel comforted, safe, and cared for, which is crucial at this stage. Don’t be afraid of “spoiling” your baby by holding them too much.
- Sing, recite nursery rhymes, and read to your baby. Words, rhymes, and written materials build language and memory skills.
- Remember that play can be exhausting for babies at first. They can only play for a short time before they get tired and irritable. Then they need quiet, shared time with you.
How to play with your baby during the first year
During the first 6 months of life, a baby’s play involves interacting with their surroundings. Making faces, hiding behind hands, waving, and rattling a rattle may seem like small actions, but they are very meaningful. Offer your baby various items (play mats, hanging toys) that differ in colour, structure, and texture and that they can pull, stretch, or chew. Babies often become interested in unexpected things – the label on a toy or the string it’s tied with.
Don’t redirect their attention to the “real” toy – let them explore and choose how and what to play with.
Spend time in physical contact with your baby (massage, counting fingers while singing), and your baby may start reacting to tickling or bouncing while you carry them (once they can support their head!). You can place your baby on your feet, lie on your back, lift them into the air and let them “fly.” By the end of this stage, babies begin to enjoy turning, being tossed in the air, and other physical games (which mothers often worry about). Your baby’s laughter will let you know they are truly enjoying these activities.
If mom, grandma, or someone else feels the need to intervene or worries about how you are playing, calmly explain that you are keeping the baby safe at all times, that they will not fall, and that this kind of play is very important.
When your baby starts sitting up steadily and later begins to walk (not all babies walk by their first birthday), build towers from blocks or cups and let your baby knock them down. Roll a soft or small ball or encourage your baby to throw it while you roll it back.
Babies are especially fascinated by pots and lids, as well as clothespins – allow play with these and join in. Sounds are very important, so at least once a day, join in the banging and squealing. You can make rattles from plastic tubes or bottles filled with pebbles or beans. Light chains are fascinating in texture and sound, and you can make them colourful with (child-safe) paint. Most of the activities you do can become play if you involve your baby by describing what you're doing, the items you use, and their shapes and colours.
Extract from the brochure “Be a Dad and Grow with Your Child”, RODA 2018.
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