The child is now in the final stage of very intense motor, intellectual, and emotional development.
At this stage, the child has a much clearer understanding of themselves in relation to their surroundings, as well as of others in relation to those surroundings. They begin to realize more clearly that other people also have their own desires and emotions, and they expand the range of emotions they can successfully recognize and name. Now, the child will respond more often and more clearly to your emotions and behaviour, because this is the time when empathy fully begins to develop.
If you have previously taught your child how to recognize and name emotions, with the development of empathy, the child will find it easier to recognize and name emotions in other children as well.
In cases of conflict, you can explain to the child what emotions they are feeling, what emotions the other child is feeling, briefly and clearly explain what happened, and what the consequences were. When getting involved in conflict resolution, it is extremely important to use a calming tone of voice, not to yell, and not to blame either your own or the other child.
Your child still doesn't fully understand which actions lead to which consequences (for example, they may not realize that hitting another child with a ball will hurt because they didn’t properly estimate the force of the throw), and neither do other children at this age. In conversation, encourage your child to come up with several different solutions for the situation they found themselves in, and together choose a more appropriate behaviour they can use the next time a problem arises.
Show your child through your own example how to resolve conflicts calmly and politely, without aggression, yelling, or swearing. Children often see their fathers as invincible superheroes, idealize them, and imitate them—so show your child how to resolve conflict, how to stand up for themselves, and how to manage their emotions and behaviour.
As empathy develops, the child begins to form their first friendships.
At this stage, children spend less time playing next to each other and more time playing with each other. They may begin to build with blocks together, drive toy cars, play ball, sing, and engage in role-play. Encourage your child’s friendships. Ask your child who their favourite friends are, and if you haven’t already, build a relationship with the parents of those children and organize joint activities. Help your child if they want to make a gift for a friend or express closeness, and comfort them when problems arise. Talk to your child about your own friendships.
Male and female friendships differ in their dynamics and the form of relationships. It is very important that your child sees what male friendships look like, as well as your friendships with women. Take your child with you when meeting your friends, introduce them to your friends, and encourage their interaction. Talk to your child about your childhood friends as well. All of this will help your child form strong and warm relationships with other children.
All the words you have used in earlier stages are now starting to be spoken and properly used by your child. If you have involved them in everyday activities, they are now able to carry them out independently (e.g., tidying up toys, wiping up spilled water, putting on shoes, etc.).
Give your child the space to make decisions independently—encourage their autonomy and their ability to plan activities. Let your child suggest a game, ask how they want to spend time with you, and plan shared activities in advance. Always try to honour your plans; if for some reason you have to change them, explain to your child what happened, apologize, and offer an alternative. Accept that your child may feel upset and respect their emotions.
Planning daily activities helps develop your child’s understanding of time and supports the development of organizational skills, as well as respect for other people’s time and commitments.
Imagination is now much more developed in your child, and they begin to engage in and initiate role-playing games on their own, using them to make sense of daily situations and emotions. This kind of play becomes more common toward the end of this period. A child might find themselves in situations that provoke fear, such as going to the doctor or dentist, getting briefly lost in a store, or encountering a large unfamiliar animal. After such events, the child may want to play in a way that the parent takes on the role of the frightening figure — a doctor, animal, or monster — and expects full cooperation from the parent. Through this type of play, the child confronts their fears and learns how to cope with them.
If this type of play is avoided, the child is deprived of an appropriate outlet for expressing fear and developing important coping skills. Join in the play, take on the role of the “villain,” and don’t be afraid of your child’s emotions. Also, if the child wants to take on the role of the feared figure, don’t be alarmed by potential aggression. As long as it is within the context of play, it can have positive outcomes.
Observe your child’s play — it will often reveal what they are thinking about and what is occupying their mind, especially when they can’t express these things with words alone.
How to play with a child at this age
At this age, your child will engage in role-playing games with both you and other children. Encourage this kind of play and actively participate. Relax and have fun — don’t be afraid to become the scariest monster or the most vulnerable little boy. Through your relaxed approach to play, your child will learn a positive attitude toward play, emotions, and themselves. Children also enjoy playing out everyday activities. If they see you getting ready for work or working from home, expect them to want to imitate you — dressing up, sitting at a desk seriously, writing something, repairing things, or pretending to do your job. Explain to your child what you're doing and why. If they want to look like you, dress and groom them similarly and let them pretend they are you.
Encourage creativity through drawing, modelling with clay or playdough. Join your child in drawing and colouring — fathers often draw different themes than mothers and use different colour combinations and techniques. This diversity is important for your child’s understanding of the wide range of possibilities for expressing creativity and imagination.
Physical play remains extremely important. Wrestling can be combined with role-playing — you can act out superheroes, dramatic hits, falls, and knockouts as part of the game. Sticks and foam tubes can become metal or lightsabres, and you can defend a galaxy or a planet with your child every day. While your child may not yet fully grasp the complexity of stories, that should not stop you from immersing yourself in the play.
Set up your child’s room with obstacles for jumping and hiding spots. And of course, tidy up together afterward.
Keep playing ball games. Now you can expect actual passing, kicking, and chasing after the ball. Find a suitable outdoor space and teach your child sports games.
In general, let your child choose their own activities. By now, they already have clear preferences and desires when it comes to play, and your role is to support and expand their experiences.
Do not make distinctions in play based on gender. Play equally with your child regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl. Surely you don’t want to deprive your child of a medieval knight's quest or a space adventure just because they are of the “gentler” sex. This way, you are teaching your child from the start that the sky is the limit.
Extract from the brochure “Be a Dad and Grow with Your Child”, RODA 2018.
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